Why is it so hard to change yourself?

Change to improve health, form new habits, or advance professionally. Have you noticed how difficult these processes are for us to carry out? There are some factors that prevent us from doing so, and you’d like to know how to disable them. We’ll explain how.

Behavior change is a psychological engineering process that necessitates the involvement of a very specific cognitive and emotional artifact: the mind. Few processes are as difficult as they are complex. Have you tried to make going to the gym a habit but failed after a few days? Do you want to improve your character but believe it is nearly impossible? All of this makes you wonder why it is so hard to change.

We should all encourage people to make changes in order to become their best selves, achieve their goals, and feel better. To accomplish this, we must first identify the psychological obstacles that prevent us from integrating different behaviors and attitudes. Because this mechanism necessitates more than just courage: it necessitates new mental tools from us.

Why is it so hard to change myself?

If there is one thing that psychology promotes, it is behavioral change to favor improvements in people. We provide mechanisms that allow them to take the first step toward well-being and the achievement of healthy goals on their own. However, evidence suggests that our brain is dominated by unconscious mechanisms that make integrating new habits difficult.

A key point is highlighted by research from the University of Vermont. Changing a behavior is a complex and volatile process, with relapses, steps back, and abandonment. Failure to maintain these new behaviors or attitudes on a long-term basis can have a negative impact on physical and mental health. As a result, it is a pertinent issue.

Knowing about these resistances is one way to deal with them. Because, as we often say, the problem isn’t always a lack of will or discipline. There are underlying psychological processes that we have been dragging along for years and should be detected and deactivated. We examine them further below.

Your limiting beliefs

Negative self-perceptions or opinions are limiting beliefs since they condition us. It is crucial to understand that a significant portion of them are conceived during childhood and education. We frequently take messages from the outside that entirely negate our value, virtues, and talents into account.

The process of change is significantly hampered by our convictions that we are unable, fallible, or not very skilled.

An excess of negatively valenced emotions

Assume your relationship is failing and you are dissatisfied and unhappy. You know you should break free from that bond, but doing so scares you. If you’re wondering why it’s so difficult to change and move forward, negative emotions are an undeniable factor. Anguish, anxiety, guilt, sadness, and even shame are all present.

This accumulation of sensations fills your mind with negative, even fatalistic, thoughts. You are afraid of failure or regret, and you are also afraid of the unknown. What will happen once the change is implemented?

But, of course, it is good to first talk to your partner about how you feel, and try to resolve issues, before making some life important changes about this particular topic.

Many times we see the changes with fear, we feel insecure and we fear what happens next. This makes it difficult to take the first step.

Impostor syndrome and low self esteem

Taking a step forward necessitates more than just effort; it necessitates commitment and complete faith in oneself. If the latter fails, everything comes crashing down. In this way, it is very common for people with impostor syndrome (those who believe they are not intelligent and are never up to anything) to struggle to establish new habits.

When one is not in tune with their worth and also shows low self-esteem, it is difficult to promote long-term change .

It’s hard to change because of your cognitive dissonances and self-deception

Despite being aware of the negative effects of a sedentary lifestyle on our health, many dismiss these concerns as mere misconceptions. Knowing that we should strive for a better employment, but contending that even if a job is precarious, it is better to have something safe. Cognitive dissonances are defense mechanisms that let us explain away our own contradictions to spare ourselves psychological pain.

Given this, it is advised that you look over some of your self-deceptions if you’re wondering why changing costs so much. Even though you may be fully aware that you need to make changes in your life, you find them frightening. And in order to prevent that agony, you use really flimsy justifications to maintain your comfort level.

You underestimate the process

Change does not occur suddenly. Its promotion calls for a careful craft that includes emotional, behavioral, and cognitive components. Failure in the endeavor will result from ignoring such elements. Moreover, self-image and self-esteem are destroyed with every step backward.

Several interwoven phases that call for dedication, focus, and a healthy amount of passion are necessary for successful change. But occasionally we make mistakes in these processes because we lack the knowledge and resources to understand them.

Strategies for effective change

Change has always interested science. For instance, a study from the University of Helsinki and Ireland reveals something startling. Biological, social, and emotional aspects are all incorporated into the possibility of human change.

In order to reach it, you must analyze many of the assumptions that are ingrained in your psychological universe by working from motivational, behavioral, and educational perspectives. It is time to consider the instruments that will make this process easier.

1. To awaken your motivation, remember your reasons for the change

We don’t always find motivation when we need it. There are days when the powers are ineffective and the intellect is silent. If you need to make a change, you must be clear about your goals and the need for the action. You will run on that every day.

2. Action plan: plan-evaluate-correct

When starting a new habit or establishing a transformation, it is necessary to define an action plan. It is not good to improvise, the ideal is to design the steps to follow and, later, evaluate that process. Is it being useful to us? Should we modify something? Every plan must be flexible to adapt to each challenge and circumstance.

3. Manage stress

It is necessary to integrate stress management resources into our day to day . After all, all change places us in new scenarios that make us stagger or accumulate emotions of negative valence. Do not hesitate to practice some sport, relaxation technique or meditation. With them you will give way to a more relaxed mind and a body with less cortisol.

4. Increase your confidence by recognizing your abilities and competence.

Self-efficacy is the belief we have in our capacity to fulfill our goals. While integrating a shift in one’s life, this psychological tendon is the most important. Knowing that we are capable, skilled, and have the necessary talents to succeed is knowing that we have the resources to attain it.

5. Yes to small daily advances

In the book Atomic Habits , by James Clear, he tells us about the power of small daily achievements. Sometimes big changes require only small daily advances , being constant and focusing on our purpose. For this reason, he remembers that it is not good to rush or make too many variations at the same time. Better little by little.

6. Discipline and action

Many times we look at motivation when initiating a change. But this emotional element doesn’t always show up when we need it most. That is when the most decisive factor comes into play: discipline. That’s right, we must be disciplined and understand that establishing new habits requires commitment, action and repetition.

7. Resistance to frustration

Who has not felt frustrated when seeing how difficult it is to initiate a change? Nothing is as common as taking a step back, failing, crashing for a few days, and then moving forward again. No change is linear, there are always ups and downs and we must know how to resist and accept them.

Commitment to change

You should be aware that this is a common experience if you’ve ever wondered why changing is so difficult. You are not the only one. It is important to keep in mind that you have incredible capacity to do it. You are capable of doing it. You will reach the pinnacle you aspire for in terms of your well-being and self-realization if you commit to these actions and make them your own.

Thank you for reading. I hope it helps at least a lilttle bit! <3

Source: lamenteesmaravillosa.com