How to Improve Your Social Skills

What exactly are social skills, and how do they affect your interpersonal relationships? Furthermore, how can you improve them? We’ll give you some pointers in the following article.

Social skills are a multifaceted concept. In fact, being socially skilled can refer to a wide range of behaviors that are appropriate in some situations (such as conversing with a friend) but inappropriate in others (like initiating a conversation at a funeral). How, however, do you tell them apart?

Being socially skilled entails being able to adapt your behavior in rapidly changing situations. These skills are impaired in people who have certain clinical disorders. Asperger’s syndrome and other autism spectrum disorders are examples of this (Moya, 2023).

Social skills: a complex concept

We all have the ability to relate socially as humans. As a result, the aptitude or ability to be socially skilled exists. However, depending on a variety of factors such as the individual’s personality, attachment style, or environment, they may be more or less adept in social situations.

So, what exactly are these abilities? Cognitive psychology and learning theories claim to encompass a set of behaviors and cognitions that we have, are, and will continue to learn throughout our lives. As a result, specific pathways and mechanisms account for both their acquisition and maintenance (Daz et al., 2017). Let’s take a look at some of them:

Social skills

• Interpersonal feedback is essential. When you communicate, you receive signals that tell you whether your way of interacting is well received or poorly received by others. Gestures, posture, and eye contact are examples.
• Based on what you see, you may choose to show or hide what you’ve learned. For example, a child may learn that they must shout to communicate (because their father does), so they will shout when speaking to their peers.
• Reinforcement can be positive or negative. This is the mechanism that explains why certain social skills emerge and persist to the detriment of others throughout biographical history. It debates whether such skills are reinforcing or aversive to the individual in terms of how they are executed and maintained.

Another important factor to consider is our perceptions of what it means to be socially skilled. These expectations can be high and frustrating because they are unrealistic or impossible to meet (for example, communicating like Oprah Winfrey) (to initiate communication or tolerate pauses and silences).

This was explained by Albert Bandura in his concept of self-efficacy expectations. These refer to a person’s “effectiveness in the middle of a conversation.” For example, “I feel comfortable talking about this topic,” “I believe I’ve contributed a different perspective on this issue,” or “Can I really face this social interaction?”

“Being socially skilled is not just a matter of emotional intelligence, but also having the ability to read the body language and nonverbal cues of others.” 

-Malcolm Gladwell-

Keys to being socially skilled

Experts have described a wide range of forms, conduct, and behaviors centered on the concept of social skills. In fact, psychologist Arnold Goldstein classified them into six large groups, which we’ll go over in more detail below.

1. The beginning of the social universe

o be proficient in communication, you must first learn to listen. Listening, on the other hand, necessitates a variety of behaviors. One of them is the ability to initiate a conversation while also maintaining it and tolerating pauses.

To accomplish this, it can be helpful to create a small mental script with various basic and simple questions that are possible to ask. They are the courtesy formulas that you tend to use in a predictable manner. “How are you?” or “What a day!” are examples. It is also necessary to introduce yourself. For example, “Hello! “My name is Paul, and it’s a pleasure to meet you.”

The act of gratitude is another important aspect of social interaction. You can express gratitude for a variety of reasons. A really interesting conversation, for example, or the fact that the person you’re speaking with is interested in what you’re saying. It is essential to be able to compliment others. It’s also natural and understandable to feel a little embarrassed while doing so.

2. Assertive communication

We progress from basic to advanced skills here. Many people struggle with ‘help-seeking’ behaviors or apologizing. As a result, techniques that aim to train assertive communication are beneficial.

Giving instructions or assertively asking someone to do something specific is an important aspect of skillful social behavior. For example, Claudia tells her driving friend, Alice, “Please look at the sign when you get to the next intersection.”

Explaining your emotions while asking someone to do something or not to do something, or in other words, telling them how you feel about it, can help a lot while communicating about issues with people.

3. Emotional expression

Many of us have tried to engage in a conversation and persuade the other person to change. The art of persuading the person in front of you to do something requires you to be aware of your emotions, thoughts, and desires at the time of the interaction.

In fact, it entails practicing empathy and imagining yourself in their shoes. In fact, another essential component of socially skilled behavior is the ability to empathize. That being said, you must be aware of where you are in the emotional spectrum and how you express it.

Before you can understand the feelings of others, you must first understand your own. When you are able to label your emotions as well as the emotions of others, you should reward yourself. “I feel irritated,” for example, or “Alice is irritated.”

4. Anger issues

You may communicate aggressively on rare occasions as a result of rage or irritability. When communication becomes hostile, it is critical to maintain self-control.

In fact, everyone’s rights should be defended and respected without engaging in divisive debate. Avoid communication that is centered on anger. Instead, explain why you feel this way, how you’d like to feel, and what you can change to avoid reacting this way to a specific stimulus.

5. An antidote to stress

Knowing how to say no to something that causes you discomfort, pain, or is simply something you don’t like will be a maxim for you if you’re socially skilled. Furthermore, you are aware that in order to succeed in any social interaction, you must also be able to set barriers or boundaries to certain messages and behaviors that have the potential to harm you.

It is critical to understand how to respond to antagonistic messages or criticism directed at others. It is easier to respond to these types of messages if you practice breathing techniques. These techniques help to reduce activation and help you cope better in aversive situations.

6. Executive skills or the art of being better organized

Being socially adept entails being well-organized. In today’s society, behaviors such as taking the initiative in a conversation or determining the source of a problem are important. As a result, knowing how to set a goal and implement behaviors that allow you to achieve it is influenced by your social skills.

As you can see, being socially skilled is a very complicated concept. These skills can be improved with effective interventions. Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), for example, and, more specifically, social skills training. Indeed, being able to initiate, maintain, plan, and defend your own point of view are all necessary components for success in your social universe.

Source: exploringyourmind.com